Sunday, November 06, 2011

Alarm Clocks

There are subjects upon which I dwell in my consciousness and yet I rarely speak of them. I don't write about these subjects. There exists a high probability that I do not write about these subjects because I am somewhat of a coward. A remote possibility exists that I do not write about these subjects because it is a contradiction to to attempt to influence others to think as I do. Today, the subject is 'alarm clocks'. Not the material thing that usually sits on your bedside table and serves to awaken you in the morning. But rather the kind of alarm clock that does indeed "alarm" you, that is life changing and manifests internally from one moment to another, leaving you changed for all of eternity.

An excellent example would be the moment when I discovered that my former husband was unfaithful. If I were to describe this in his own religious vocabulary, I would have to write - the day I discovered that my husband was an Adulterer. The facts were always there in plain sight. The facts existed as if they were simply waiting for me to finally discover them. My discovery was not the birth of a suspicion, but rather, the discovery of an irrefutable fact. Just as earth shattering for me, was the discovery that there were others that were privy to this fact, when all the while I remained asleep and completely ignorant of the truth. The changes that this event generated were not only immediate, they were indescribably painful and I proceeded to enter into a long period of profound introspection and mourning. What I mourned, was the death of the illusions within which I wanted to dwell. The profound introspection continues to this day. It was as if from one moment leading into another, I had walked into a completely different universe. In this new universe, my life was about life as it really is - versus - life as I wished it to be. Emotionally, I wanted to go backwards and forget what I knew. I wanted my old and completely false life back. I wanted it back immediately. However, as I so painfully discovered, this was not to be. From the moment that I opened my eyes and woke up - I was unable to regain my state of blind slumber. Although it was to be a very long time before I actually took genuine steps to put an end to this falsehood, the immediacy of the internal transformation served to shape and mold the woman I evolved into at present.

This new woman is what I think of today as a 'realist'. I have very slowly and methodically taught myself that knowing is a better choice over believing. I do not want the foundation of my life to be that which I believe - but rather - that which I know to be.
Frequently, I catch myself saying out loud "It is what it is". This phrase carries many different meaning to many different people. However, in my case, it means to see 'what is' and not to invest myself in 'wishing for all to be as I want it to be'.

I have discovered that there lies within me a tendency to try and crawl into a protective defensive cave of 'wishful thinking' and attempt to dwell in an enclosure of falsehood. The remedy for this desire are what I have learned to think of as 'alarm clocks' and thus, the title and theme of this post.

Wake up! Wake up! - Stay Awake! Open your eyes! is the job of the alarm clocks. Whether I listen and take action, is as always... my choice to make. Thus far, in spite of the heaviness of my eye lids, I remain awake. I know that without the assistance of the alarm clocks, I would have succumbed to the mesmerizing call of slumber.

There is not and can be not only one alarm clock for the realist. A realist requires consistent and regular shocks from a large variety of alarm clocks. If the sound of the alarm is always the same, my nature is to dismiss it as the familiar sound I do not 'want' to hear. I require new sounds and new shocks to my human condition. These alarm clocks are other souled beings that dwell upon the earth. The alarm clocks are beings that have a conscience and that are free thinkers. They are rebels and mavericks and people that 'ruffle your feathers'. They are people who will not be ignored or dismissed. They are everywhere you can imagine - if you have eyes to see. They are at your place of employment, the park, the farmers market, the internet. Some of these people are participants in the Occupy Wall Street grass roots idea. These alarm clocks are a manifestation of an idea and an idea is immortal. An idea is not a material thing that can be eradicated - or owned - or controlled. There exists an infinite and abundant supply of alarm clocks for us all.

Do a little seeking and a little searching and they will come forth to serve you.

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